Doctors Help or Hindrance

I don't normally go to the doctors unless I really need to.

Slight cough, sneeze or sniffle doesn't cut it.

Therefore, if I go to the doctors it is something serious. What is my reasoning behind not going every time something small comes up -- well, partly is because I feel doctors are full of shit.

You are entrusting you life, your health, your well being to them. But you know what? Just because they go to medical school and have an MD behind their name doesn't mean they know what is necessarily best for you.

Now I'm not saying all doctors are like this, because there are a few who really do care and are in it for the right reasons. They might even go above and beyond what they are suppose to do to help you. Be it giving sample of a medication because you cannot afford to buy it or somehow working around a procedure because you cannot afford it or maybe just listening to their patient and having regard to how they feel about whatever it may be.

You are probably wondering what I'm talking about or where I'm coming from. Let me tell you.
I had a doctor appointment today. The reason being is that my menstrual cycle is out of wack. either I don't get it or when I do it wont go away. I have had this problem for some time. and being on the pill helps regulate it. Well I don't want to be on the pill just for that reason. It's stupid. There is provera which help regulate the cycles as well (which is what I was hoping he would do for me)

Instead I get a lecture of why this is happening. HELLO, I already know why. I'm not stupid. I'm not some ditzy bimbo who hasn't a clue.

I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovaries) Which for me, is caused by my weight gain. So of course, the natural solution is to lose the weight.

Again, HELLO, I know this. But the weight wasn't put on overnight. It has happened over a number of years so yes, it will take tie to come off. At least healthy wise is will.

All seems easy so far right. Well it would be if the doctor was more concerned for how I felt than being more concerned for helping his colleagues and himself become richer.

He was so adamant about me going the surgical route. Gastric bypass or lap band. He has even went as far as to say that I have reached my point 10 years ago with trying to do something about it then and its not working. (Did he ask me if I really tried) how many people really truly try? You start a diet. One week -- two weeks --- ah that's it your done.

That's not really trying. He made me so upset I just wanted to cry but knock his fucking head off first. He doesn't realize that with me when I feel strongly about something I WILL NOT back down about it.

He practically tried to force feed me this surgical Crap. Saying that I was already at my last resort. FUCK YOU Doctor. How do you know. Have you seen me the past 10 years Busting my ass day after day, working out, watching what I'm eating to lose weight?

NO, you haven't because I haven't been doing that.

But now, right now I am in that place of where I am going to the gym and working out, I'm trying to watch what I eat. I just need a little help. First of all I believe my hormones are all out of wack. And from researching and reading I know that when that happens it can prevent a person from losing weight. It may even cause them to gain it. You would think the doctor would know that.
I need to see and endocrinologen. Get tested see where I stand.

Then I need a nutritionist or dietitian. A good one. One that can get me on a plan. Yes, he suggested support groups like Weight Watchers. Might be OK. But what will they really do? Once a week you meet, talk bout your troubles, problems, eating habits, weigh in...... Whatever......sounds stupid to me.

Determination, Strength, willpower, Support can come from my friends and family (at least I hope) but it has to be me.

Just because you get surgery done doesn't mean it will last. So it isn't a end all to fix all solution.

I know I can do this. It's going to take time, Hard work, Dedication. But with the right doctors help and my stubbornness to prove him wrong. I will do this. And shove it right in his face.

Woodland Creatures

I took a little trip early this morning and on my adventures out I encountered a few of natures finest woodland creatures.

There seemed to be a lot of animals wandering the sides of the road. At night all I see if the eyes that reflect off my head lights. A few cats managed to scatter across the road daring to use up one of there nine lives.

I even had a rabbit rush out at the last minute. My heart stopped and I almost closed my eyes waiting to her the thump under my car. It's mad dash to the other side of the road must have paid off because I didn't hear the thump and I did not see anything in the rear view mirror.

I did let out a sigh of relief. I hate when I hit anything on the roads.

Then I as coming over the knoll in the road when suddenly there he was just standing there in the middle of the road just gazing at me. It was a German shepherd. I immediately slowed down. I'm my head i was screaming come on doggy get out of the road you are going to get hit. As I said this the dog slowly wandered off to the side of the road. It was lucky that I was the wonder driving on the road and not some idiot who would have cared less and hit him.

Then I get almost home and amidst the greenery on the side of the road I see this deer. I could tell it was contemplating crossing so I slowed but was in awe at the same time. I think they are one of the most beautifulest creatures and watch them bounce cross the road with such ease and playfulness made me smile.

Again if it was some other maniac driving down the road they would have purposely hit any and all of these animals.

So for one more day there lives are safe.

soulmate

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Not Easy As It Seems

I've been down this road before..........

Somehow I always find myself wondering how I got here?
Where did I go wrong?
What could I have done differently to make things work?

Even with both of us coming to the conclusion that it would be for the best to end things amicably, it still hurts and isn't easy.

You would think it would be. Even though we had a lot of differences so much to the point that is was our downfall. Still doesn't make it easy. Doesn't erase the fact that he loved me for me. It was my fault because I couldn't get past his bad habits and accept him as he was.

I think I am hurting more now than I was before. I have an emptiness like something is missing.
I know he is hurting too and I so want to be there to help him through it....although I know he doesn't want me there. This kills me the most.

The helplessness I feel not being able to help the person I love.

He says he just cant right now ... but what if he never can.....

He will conveniently forget my number..... then he will forget me.

Lost yet again another piece of my heart.

Fight For All The Wrong Reasons

Well I wanted you
I wanted no one else
I thought it through
I got you to myself
You got off
Every time you got on to me
I got caught up
In favorable slavery

Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

I guess it wasn't really right
I guess it wasn't meant to be
It didn't matter what they said
'Cause we were good in bed
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons
No, it didn't matter what I tried
It's just a little hard to leave
When you're going down on me
I guess I stuck around so I could watch us fight
for all the wrong reasons

Well you know my friends
Well they know your enemies
I'd pretend
Not to hear what they said to me
'Cause I got off
Every time you got on to me
Was it wrong
To go along with insanity?

Was it wrong? Was it wrong?

I guess it wasn't what I wanted
Wasn't really what I thought
Thought it was the day I got
I want it all to go away