Letter to the Editor

Ode to the World


The weight falls on my shoulders to make the whole world better.
It is MY responsibility, it is MY duty to make things right.

I am the ONLY one who can do this.

My job is big and falls ONLY to me to make sure that everything everywhere gets fixed.
Nothing is beyond my control: the war, gas prices, presidential elections, the government, earthquakes, tornadoes, even death.

It is ALL UP TO ME to prevent, encourage, discourage, or make happen ALL that goes on. Sounds silly but it’s not.

I have failed because I have not prevented the war, the gas prices have sky rocketed, there are nothing but dumb asses in office and running for election, I have done nothing to stop or prevent the natural disasters that have or will happen and death well there is no end in sight.




Dear Dumb Ass

Although it is very noble of you to make it you personal duty to take on the whole world chaotic mess and challenges, it all begins at home.

Have you looked in the mirror lately? How can you take responsibility for the whole world when you can even take care of yourself?

It starts on a more personal level. You have to start making the difference on your level. Take control of what is right in front of you first. Attainable goals. What difference can you make now? Job, family, friends, and most of all yourself.

It is the rippled effect. What difference can you make to improve yourself and eventually those around you? You truly can’t expect to tell someone else to get it together when you can’t even get it together.

Lead by example it is far the best way to change the world.

Whats Going On?

I'm a mess. My stomach is turning. I feel like I want to throw up. At times my whole body just shakes.

I try to keep my mind off of it and sometimes for a bit it works but then I just keep going back to that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Every time I take a breath it feels like I have a hard lump in my throat.

Why wont this go away? Now I'm the bad guy. Is this how you want it to end? Is it ending? or will it get better? If we don't talk how are we to know?

Right now I just want to feel numb. I want to go blank.

Help me, somebody please help me.

Never Too Late

I know I haven't written in a while. I have had some thoughts swimming around in my head but just haven't have the inspiration to write them down.

I'm going through a lot of internal turmoil, but I promise I will try to write more in the up coming weeks.

In the mean time this song by Three Days Grace kind of sums up some of what is going on in my head and how I feel.


"Never Too Late"

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

2008

I've got a lot going on internally, mentally.

I've decided that 2008 is "ME - Tracy" year.

I usually bend over backward and go out of my way to make others happy. I put others first and what do I get in return --- nothing. Nothing but heartache, misery, red swollen eyes and a cold because I'm all stressed out.

Now it is going to be about me. What I want, what makes me happy. I deserve to be happy.

I'm want to get my whole life in order. Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. It will take some time. I know it wont happen over night but it's about time I do this for myself.

I know what I want for myself and anything that is or will hold be back or drag me down I am cutting lose getting rid or or changing.

I want more out of my life. I want more for my life.

I've got so much going on in my head sometimes I can't think straight.

but in the upcoming months I am hoping that thing will start to fall into place.

Financially I want to get to where I am not struggling for money, getting back bills paid off and eventually buying the apartment building I live in.

Emotionally I want to become stronger within. Be able to stand up for myself and what I want. Not be afraid to go after what I want and need. Say how I feel without filtering because I'm afraid to hurt someone or piss some one off. Do you want the truth or do you want me to be honest.

Physically I want to feel better about myself. which in turn will give me more confidence to be who I want to be. I want to be more healthier and possibly be able to have a family.

Mentally kinda goes along the lines of emotionally. I need to clear my head I know what is right for me, what is good for me. I don't want to play games and I no longer want to settle for second best. I don't want to settle for less that I want or deserve. This will open a can of worms. It covers matters of the heart. But I'm not getting younger and its about time to shape up or ship out.

I have a tough road ahead of me but I am finally ready to start my journey.

Happy Belated New Years!

May the New Year Bring You:

Troubles that last only seconds
Giggles that last minutes
Chuckles that last hours
Laughs that last days
Smiles that last weeks
Happiness that last months
Friendships that last years
But most of all
LOVE that lasts a lifetime!