Who I really am

Who Am I?

I am someone who just wants to be loved.
Who wants to feel loved.
Who wants to be showed that I am loved.

I want to feel needed and wanted.
I want to feel like I am special and important in someone life.

I am a very independent person and because of that I crave this attention. I have this need to be the center of someones world because I have, for a very long time, been the only one to make sure things get taken care of and who has taken care of me.

I need someone to be the one to take care of me for a change.
Not that I would lose my independence because I cant and wont do that but all my life I have been the care taker and care giver. The responsible one, the one to make everyone else happy. Never asking for much in return, just for their love and attention.

I'm not clingy. I feel I give ample space, sometimes maybe too much space. I try to see things their way and I try to be very patient and understanding but even that has its limits.

I really do try to work to compromise but for some reason it always comes back to where I get the short end of the deal.

Do I deserve this treatment? -- No
Am I asking for too much or being unreasonable for what I want or feel? --- No

I am stubborn what it comes to something I feel strongly about. I wont back down easily but at the same time I will try to see the other persons point of view. I expect the same in return.

I am loyal to my friends, family and loved ones but even loyalty can wear thin when you are not treated well.

I don't make empty promises. I really try hard to say what I mean and mean what I say.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment I may say things that I don't necessarily mean but because of the intensity of the situation or if I am backed into a corner I will come out swinging. I wont play fair. I will say things that I feel at that moment that may be hurtful and mean. Sometimes it is the only to get my point across in letting someone know exactly how I'm feeling or that I mean business.

I am hurt. More than anyone could ever know. Definitely more than anyone could ever see. I wont let them see.
I am slowly shutting down and building up walls. My defense mechanism.

Someone who truly knows me and truly cares can see it or sense it. I have to say there is only one maybe two people in this world who can do this, so I have the rest of the world fooled.

It does scare me though. I'm afraid of what might become of me. An empty shell. Happy and smiles on the outside but lonely as hell on the inside. I went through many years like that. I did have a short time when it seemed I had everything I was looking for only to have it ripped away from me..... maybe it was just a dream.

So the question lies: Who am I?

I am a woman who does not give up easily but after being beaten down so many times doesn't feel she has the strength to keep moving on.

I am a woman who, as I said in the beginning, wants to be loved, showed love, and feel loved.

I want to feel more important than work, friends, games, computers, cars, and everything else that keeps the attention of the male species.

I am a woman who will put 120% into any relationship

And when I don't always have to be the care giver, the adult who makes sure everything is taken care of I can let lose and have a little fun. But I don't get that chance often as I always seem to be the one who has to make sure things are taken care of.