Even my happy pills won't help numb this feeling. Although I do have to say that they seem to be dulling the pain or maybe its that I just don't care anymore.
I always put everyone first. Make them happy. In the mean time where do I rate? I always seem to take the back burner. Don't worry - she will understand, she'll get over it.
Who cares if she gets mad or it will upset her. Out of everyone to pick to let down and not care if they get upset, mad, or disappoint-- I seem to be the one who always gets picked. .
I need to be there for me now. I need to think of me for a change. Find what will make me happy. If that makes me sound like a bitch well then -- so be it
I only want back what I put in. Which I seem to put in a lot more than I ever seem to get out. It's way too draining on me emotionally, mentally.
Its like day and night and when there is that much difference its just impossible to be happy at the same time. In order for one to be happy the other ends up being miserable.
I'm tired of being the one who always chases after someone, try to make the whole relations better and work and for it to be a happy one.
I need to be the one that is chased. I want to be shown that I am wanted and needed so much that nothing is to small or large an obstacle to stand in the way that they will do anything to get me and have me.
I don't feel that is too much to ask for. Why don't I feel that is too much to ask for??? Because that is the way I make them feel. I do all that for them or at least I use to.
And if I cant get that, if I cant get what I want then I might as well be alone, because that is the way I end up feeling anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment