H E L P

This has been going on for a while now. If I really think about it, it's probably been way back when Paul and I were dating. But the past 3 years I have been very unhappy.

I've had my ups and down just like everyone else and just dealt with it. I blew it off because I always seemed to bounce back.

Well the past year it has gotten to be more noticeable and in the last month have gotten worst.

I've lost interest in many things that have made me happy in the past. So much so I don't even remember what use to make me happy. I'm most irritable, sad, lonely and very moody.

All I really want to do is cry, Be left alone and sleep.

The hard thing is that I know this is happening.

I feel like I am drowning. There is this part of me inside (the Old Me) That is still alive and aware and if fighting to get back and take control. I hear myself say ... "But you want to be happy. You want to enjoy your life again. You want to laugh and have fun and really mean it"

But the small part of me that is left if getting tired and beaten down by the bigger part that is telling me That I don't care about anything anymore and everything is just there. Neither good nor bad just bla.

I've always been there for everyone. Cheering them up, Supporting them, Being the rock and life vest they can cling to until they are to safety.

I still want to be that person but I can't . Not now, and who knows maybe not anymore.

I need help. I need something or someone. I'm getting desperate and I'm not afraid or too proud to ask for help.

I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday to get some help. If it is drugs or counseling or both so be it. As long as it helps.