The Depths of Oblivion

Winter isn't over with yet and I'm still trying to dig myself out of a hole. Some weeks I break even and others it seems I slid deep into the dark depths of oblivion.

With inflation and cost of living increase continuously increasing as my paycheck stands still just doesn't help my situation out any.

Tempted many times to just pack up and move. Move somewhere warmer (at least) and where jobs are more abundant or at least better paying.

If the right opportunity comes along..... "adios baby"

I don't get to see and spend time with Mike as much as I would like. It makes it rougher on me because the one or two days I do get to see him we try (or at least I try) to get everything in within that short amount of time.

What makes it harder is that he doesn't drive. So it is all up to me to go to his place or if he is to come to my place then I have to go there pick him up and then bring him back then take him back home. With my finances they way they are it is easier and cheaper for me to just go there.

Even though things have gotten better between us we still have a long way to go. I feel we have two separate lives still. my world with him in his world and then I have my own world with my family and friends. March 17th will be a year we've been together. He has yet to meet any of my friends or family. He has only been to my place twice and that was only for about an hour each time.

I know the big reason for this was because the first 6 months were rocky with him drinking. I didn't want to and wasn't going to introduce him to any of my friends or family. I was too embarrassed and ashamed. I don't want to push him too much now because he is still working on himself and making his life much better and I couldn't be more proud of him.

What I'm afraid of is that I won't have the money to spend to have what little time I do have with him. And all I want to do is to get to know him more and have him get to know me better. For us to have our talks about everything and anything, watch movies, play pool, take walks, hold hands, and cuddle.