10 Days till Christmas

Ok, I'm "Freaking" just a little bit!

I've been busy lately so I haven't put much thought to it but of all places that I have time to think, I'm at work (Go Figure)

Where did this year go??

Everything has happened so fast, sometimes it seems like a dream.

Last year (2005) My husband and I separated. My eyes were opened as to how I should be treated and loved and I fell head over heals in love with this wonderful man. Things between us came so naturally. We didn't have to work on it or try hard -- it just was. But because of distance and circumstances things for us took a devastating turn. I finally realized that we would never be because of all the obstacles.

Then I started seeing someone else. It was a nice distraction. It was only suppose to be as friends but somehow we seemed to have gotten pushed together (That wasn't meant to be) We lasted about 6 months around my birthday and valentines day it started to go south and by March 2006 we had split.

Mike was waiting in the wings. I have to admit, at first, I didn't think much would come of it. A slight distraction, some fun and that was about it. We had a rough start. At first we were keeping things hush hush. After the first few days of kinda seeing each other he told me he couldn't be with me because I was technically still married but later found out I was married by a JP so in the eyes of the catholic religion it was like I wasn't married so he could see me.

He made me laugh and he was always complimenting me and making me feel loved. The sex was awesome once he stopped being so damn nervous! After only a week of being together he told me he loved me which made me "freak" inside. I didn't know if I was ready for anything serious. Plus he drank way too much and I knew I didn't want to get involved with that. {Skip ahead nine months} Mike has stopped drinking and we are still together. We have our ups and downs. Things don't always come so easily between us. But we have communication between us (Which is a plus). We both are dealing with a lot and sometimes I do feel we are thinking way too much about things instead of just letting things come naturally between us.

I admit, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to let all my defenses down, to leave my heart unprotected again. What if I open my heart completely and just hand it completely over to Mike and for some reason it just doesn't work out. I don't know if I couldn't handle that kind of hurt again.

Don't get me wrong I have given Mike a lot of my heart. I treat him very well. And mostly I get it back in return. But after all, he is a guy and guys just think, feel and act differently than woman do. But I Love him.

This year I will be spending Christmas eve with his family. Although I met his mom and grandmother and they like me I do feel a little nervous around them.

I'm afraid I will do or possibly say something stupid and they wont like me as much any more. I haven't met or even talked to his brother yet so I don't even know what he might think of me.

So with 10 more days until Christmas, I still need to shop for a few more gifts, Hoping I have enough money to get what I need to get, the stress of work and being with Mike and his family on Christmas eve, I am in a wonderful mood the past couple of days.

One more week and I'm on Vacation!!!! Well Deserved Over Due Vacation!