3 Days left until Christmas!!!
I just wanted to give a shout out to a couple of friends that I don't have a chance to talk to all the time or that I haven't talked to in a long time: Kim and Chris.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Years.
I miss you guys terribly!!!
To all my friends near and dear. I wish you the same. I am so blessed to have you all in my life. You have touched me in so many ways.
I will be spending Christmas eve with Mike and his family. I spoiled him. I think I got way too much but he deserves it. He has stopped drinking and is doing very well.
I'm also on vacation from now until Jan 3rd!!! A well deserved vacation!
Nothing is planned just R & R.
So in case I don't get back here to write and I don't get to talk to you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years Once Again.
See and talk to you Next Year.
Love Tracy
Friday, December 22, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Christmas Shopping
This past weekend Mike and I went Christmas shopping and had a blast.
We spend like 2 hours at AC Moore Craft store.
He is worst than a woman when it comes to making up his mind what he wants to do and get.
There was this clip from utube that Mike sent me a few weeks ago with a rabbit that talked all he said was "ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya". He was traded for a bag of skittles. After a while the guy who wanted the rabbit wanted to return him because all he did was say "ya ya ya ya ya ya" It was extremely funny. When we headed to the mall every now and again we would act silly and start making noises. So we walked through the mall and occasionally started singing "Ya ya ya -- ya ya -- ya ya ya ya"
I spent a little more money than I had planned to. But I got all my shopping finished.
I got Mike a few more gifts. He would see something he liked and I would say ok lets get it. He would sort of protest but how can you protest when you really want something.
Plus I feel he does deserve to get a little spoiled. He has been doing very well with the not drinking. And Saturday was the best time we had spent together in a while. We were laughing and having fun. There was no stress or oddness between us.
There was even this one time.......We were at Wal-mart in New Hartford. We were looking for wrapping paper, tape and some odds and ends. We went back by the craft section and he saw these little figurines that you paint. They showed a picture of birds, turtles, horses, cats, dogs, frogs etc.
Mike said he wanted to get me one to paint for Christmas. I told him he didn't have to because he didn't have much money. He kept on insisting and finally turned around and with a very stern voice said to me, "You spent $30 on a jacket for me I think I can buy a turtle for 44 cents for you!"
I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself. He was SO SERIOUS.
Then he mentioned how it wasn't a fair trade and he felt bad because he wanted to be able to give me more.
It was sweet and it still makes me laugh when I think of it. I can still see his face and hear his voice in how he said it. Stern, but upset and he said it very quickly.
LOL
What I really want is just he love and attention. For him to pamper me and make me feel special, wanted, needed.
That would be the best gift ever.
We never got home until midnight!
We spend like 2 hours at AC Moore Craft store.
He is worst than a woman when it comes to making up his mind what he wants to do and get.
There was this clip from utube that Mike sent me a few weeks ago with a rabbit that talked all he said was "ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya". He was traded for a bag of skittles. After a while the guy who wanted the rabbit wanted to return him because all he did was say "ya ya ya ya ya ya" It was extremely funny. When we headed to the mall every now and again we would act silly and start making noises. So we walked through the mall and occasionally started singing "Ya ya ya -- ya ya -- ya ya ya ya"
I spent a little more money than I had planned to. But I got all my shopping finished.
I got Mike a few more gifts. He would see something he liked and I would say ok lets get it. He would sort of protest but how can you protest when you really want something.
Plus I feel he does deserve to get a little spoiled. He has been doing very well with the not drinking. And Saturday was the best time we had spent together in a while. We were laughing and having fun. There was no stress or oddness between us.
There was even this one time.......We were at Wal-mart in New Hartford. We were looking for wrapping paper, tape and some odds and ends. We went back by the craft section and he saw these little figurines that you paint. They showed a picture of birds, turtles, horses, cats, dogs, frogs etc.
Mike said he wanted to get me one to paint for Christmas. I told him he didn't have to because he didn't have much money. He kept on insisting and finally turned around and with a very stern voice said to me, "You spent $30 on a jacket for me I think I can buy a turtle for 44 cents for you!"
I burst out laughing. I couldn't help myself. He was SO SERIOUS.
Then he mentioned how it wasn't a fair trade and he felt bad because he wanted to be able to give me more.
It was sweet and it still makes me laugh when I think of it. I can still see his face and hear his voice in how he said it. Stern, but upset and he said it very quickly.
LOL
What I really want is just he love and attention. For him to pamper me and make me feel special, wanted, needed.
That would be the best gift ever.
We never got home until midnight!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
You Had Me From Hello
One word, that's all you said
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head.
Your smile, just captured me
And you were in my future as far as I could see
And I don't know how it happened, but it happened still
You asked me if I love you, if I always will
Well you, had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"
Inside, I built the walls
So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall
One touch, you brought it down
The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground
And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again
The last time was the last time, I let someone in
But you, had me from "Hello"
Somethin' in your voice caused me to turn my head.
Your smile, just captured me
And you were in my future as far as I could see
And I don't know how it happened, but it happened still
You asked me if I love you, if I always will
Well you, had me from "Hello"
I felt love start to grow
The moment that I looked into your eyes, you won me
It was over from the start
You completely stole my heart
And now you won't let go
I never even had a chance you know
You had me from "Hello"
Inside, I built the walls
So high around my heart, I thought I'd never fall
One touch, you brought it down
The bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground
And I swore to me I wasn't gonna love again
The last time was the last time, I let someone in
But you, had me from "Hello"
10 Days till Christmas
Ok, I'm "Freaking" just a little bit!
I've been busy lately so I haven't put much thought to it but of all places that I have time to think, I'm at work (Go Figure)
Where did this year go??
Everything has happened so fast, sometimes it seems like a dream.
Last year (2005) My husband and I separated. My eyes were opened as to how I should be treated and loved and I fell head over heals in love with this wonderful man. Things between us came so naturally. We didn't have to work on it or try hard -- it just was. But because of distance and circumstances things for us took a devastating turn. I finally realized that we would never be because of all the obstacles.
Then I started seeing someone else. It was a nice distraction. It was only suppose to be as friends but somehow we seemed to have gotten pushed together (That wasn't meant to be) We lasted about 6 months around my birthday and valentines day it started to go south and by March 2006 we had split.
Mike was waiting in the wings. I have to admit, at first, I didn't think much would come of it. A slight distraction, some fun and that was about it. We had a rough start. At first we were keeping things hush hush. After the first few days of kinda seeing each other he told me he couldn't be with me because I was technically still married but later found out I was married by a JP so in the eyes of the catholic religion it was like I wasn't married so he could see me.
He made me laugh and he was always complimenting me and making me feel loved. The sex was awesome once he stopped being so damn nervous! After only a week of being together he told me he loved me which made me "freak" inside. I didn't know if I was ready for anything serious. Plus he drank way too much and I knew I didn't want to get involved with that. {Skip ahead nine months} Mike has stopped drinking and we are still together. We have our ups and downs. Things don't always come so easily between us. But we have communication between us (Which is a plus). We both are dealing with a lot and sometimes I do feel we are thinking way too much about things instead of just letting things come naturally between us.
I admit, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to let all my defenses down, to leave my heart unprotected again. What if I open my heart completely and just hand it completely over to Mike and for some reason it just doesn't work out. I don't know if I couldn't handle that kind of hurt again.
Don't get me wrong I have given Mike a lot of my heart. I treat him very well. And mostly I get it back in return. But after all, he is a guy and guys just think, feel and act differently than woman do. But I Love him.
This year I will be spending Christmas eve with his family. Although I met his mom and grandmother and they like me I do feel a little nervous around them.
I'm afraid I will do or possibly say something stupid and they wont like me as much any more. I haven't met or even talked to his brother yet so I don't even know what he might think of me.
So with 10 more days until Christmas, I still need to shop for a few more gifts, Hoping I have enough money to get what I need to get, the stress of work and being with Mike and his family on Christmas eve, I am in a wonderful mood the past couple of days.
One more week and I'm on Vacation!!!! Well Deserved Over Due Vacation!
I've been busy lately so I haven't put much thought to it but of all places that I have time to think, I'm at work (Go Figure)
Where did this year go??
Everything has happened so fast, sometimes it seems like a dream.
Last year (2005) My husband and I separated. My eyes were opened as to how I should be treated and loved and I fell head over heals in love with this wonderful man. Things between us came so naturally. We didn't have to work on it or try hard -- it just was. But because of distance and circumstances things for us took a devastating turn. I finally realized that we would never be because of all the obstacles.
Then I started seeing someone else. It was a nice distraction. It was only suppose to be as friends but somehow we seemed to have gotten pushed together (That wasn't meant to be) We lasted about 6 months around my birthday and valentines day it started to go south and by March 2006 we had split.
Mike was waiting in the wings. I have to admit, at first, I didn't think much would come of it. A slight distraction, some fun and that was about it. We had a rough start. At first we were keeping things hush hush. After the first few days of kinda seeing each other he told me he couldn't be with me because I was technically still married but later found out I was married by a JP so in the eyes of the catholic religion it was like I wasn't married so he could see me.
He made me laugh and he was always complimenting me and making me feel loved. The sex was awesome once he stopped being so damn nervous! After only a week of being together he told me he loved me which made me "freak" inside. I didn't know if I was ready for anything serious. Plus he drank way too much and I knew I didn't want to get involved with that. {Skip ahead nine months} Mike has stopped drinking and we are still together. We have our ups and downs. Things don't always come so easily between us. But we have communication between us (Which is a plus). We both are dealing with a lot and sometimes I do feel we are thinking way too much about things instead of just letting things come naturally between us.
I admit, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to let all my defenses down, to leave my heart unprotected again. What if I open my heart completely and just hand it completely over to Mike and for some reason it just doesn't work out. I don't know if I couldn't handle that kind of hurt again.
Don't get me wrong I have given Mike a lot of my heart. I treat him very well. And mostly I get it back in return. But after all, he is a guy and guys just think, feel and act differently than woman do. But I Love him.
This year I will be spending Christmas eve with his family. Although I met his mom and grandmother and they like me I do feel a little nervous around them.
I'm afraid I will do or possibly say something stupid and they wont like me as much any more. I haven't met or even talked to his brother yet so I don't even know what he might think of me.
So with 10 more days until Christmas, I still need to shop for a few more gifts, Hoping I have enough money to get what I need to get, the stress of work and being with Mike and his family on Christmas eve, I am in a wonderful mood the past couple of days.
One more week and I'm on Vacation!!!! Well Deserved Over Due Vacation!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tis The Season
Christmas......... It is my most favorit holiday season!
Not because of what I may receive (God know I almost always get short handed on that end), But I love to see the expression, the joy, the smile, the complete surprised look on the face of the person I have given a gift to.
For me, that is one of the best feelings. I get so excited just waiting for christmas to get here, knowing how much I will enjoy that facial expression.
Then you have the lights. All the pretty houses and stores that decorate with the multiple strands of lights: some white, some colored, some blink, some steady. The Santa Clauses, snowmen, reindeer and now they even have all those blow up balloon figures. Always makes me smile and say my "Oooo's and Aaahhhs, Look at the pretty lights!"
The Christmas music and movies that we have all heard and watched a thousand times.
And yes, even the slight dusting of snow covering the ground and trees puts me even more in the Christmas Mood.
So with that said I will simply say
"Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!"
Not because of what I may receive (God know I almost always get short handed on that end), But I love to see the expression, the joy, the smile, the complete surprised look on the face of the person I have given a gift to.
For me, that is one of the best feelings. I get so excited just waiting for christmas to get here, knowing how much I will enjoy that facial expression.
Then you have the lights. All the pretty houses and stores that decorate with the multiple strands of lights: some white, some colored, some blink, some steady. The Santa Clauses, snowmen, reindeer and now they even have all those blow up balloon figures. Always makes me smile and say my "Oooo's and Aaahhhs, Look at the pretty lights!"
The Christmas music and movies that we have all heard and watched a thousand times.
And yes, even the slight dusting of snow covering the ground and trees puts me even more in the Christmas Mood.
So with that said I will simply say
"Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!"
Sunday, December 03, 2006
WASTED
WASTED
- Carried Underwood
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whisky and it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Face it.
Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
- Carried Underwood
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whisky and it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Face it.
Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Me
I've been feeling like I just don't know where I fit in anymore or where I rank.
Things change --- Life changes. Even when they are for the better it can be scary.
Temptation is always out there and don't you know when you feeling insecure and unsure of yourself it is right there staring you in the face!
That is when you have to be the strongest but at the same time that is when you are the most confused.
I always try to do the right thing. Think of others first. Make it easier for them.
Do you know how hard and tiring that can be? It drains me and somes just feels like it sucks the life right out of me. Kind of like an empath.
So what do you do in the mean time?
You really are screwed. Pretend nothing is wrong and let it eat you up inside. Build a wall to protect yourself -- but do you know how hard and how long it takes to tear them down? Go with the flow and have your many ups and downs but this also can lead to insecurities, resentments, changed feelings.
See ..... like I said you are screwed.
I have found an escape. I've been doing alot of reading lately. It's my way of escaping to another world where I don't have to be me and I don't have to feel what I feel or think about anything but where the book is taking me.
Things change --- Life changes. Even when they are for the better it can be scary.
Temptation is always out there and don't you know when you feeling insecure and unsure of yourself it is right there staring you in the face!
That is when you have to be the strongest but at the same time that is when you are the most confused.
I always try to do the right thing. Think of others first. Make it easier for them.
Do you know how hard and tiring that can be? It drains me and somes just feels like it sucks the life right out of me. Kind of like an empath.
So what do you do in the mean time?
You really are screwed. Pretend nothing is wrong and let it eat you up inside. Build a wall to protect yourself -- but do you know how hard and how long it takes to tear them down? Go with the flow and have your many ups and downs but this also can lead to insecurities, resentments, changed feelings.
See ..... like I said you are screwed.
I have found an escape. I've been doing alot of reading lately. It's my way of escaping to another world where I don't have to be me and I don't have to feel what I feel or think about anything but where the book is taking me.
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