What To Do??

I'm really debating on whether I should write this blog.

Because I know eventually he will read it and I don't want him taking things the wrong way. I don't want to hurt his feeling or for him to get really down on himself. But I guess I just have to get this out.

The other day I get a call around 3 am from Mike. He sounded all down and depressed again. So I talked to him. I was really missing him anyways and thought maybe I would go to see him earlier but he was very tired and slept most of the night.

But we got talking and I thought it was a good talk, somehow it evolved into wanting to see each other and he asked me to come up to see him with some sexual undertones in the conversation.

I had agreed. and quickly got my things together and headed to his house.

Only to be majorly surprised and highly disappointed.

I thought he was down and depressed and was missing me just because he missed me. Come to find out the reason why he was so down and depressed was because he was overly drunk. I mean to a point where he couldn't set still without swaying or stand without swaying.

He reeked of beer and just his facial expressions looked "Sloshed"

I wasn't mad I was upset.

I was upset because it was the beer that made him miss me. The "beer" that made him down and drepressed. I don't mean just one or two I mean a whole 12 pack.

Of course th at made me feel like shit. Like he doens't want me. I mean relaly want me unless he's been drinking.

I know he will say not that isn'y true. But it is how it makes me feel.

Maybe it is me. What is wrong with me that makes him want to drink so much? That he wouldn't rather be sober and enjoy what we have?

I can't help him and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

I know he says he will change and wants to........ but he is dragging his feet. I'm afraind if he doesn't do this he won't be happy -- won't be happy with himself because he doesn't want to stop.

All I know is how it makes me feel. I wish I could just make him understand.