Happenings

I've found myself depressed lately.

I won't show it to anyone else. Always smiling.

It's been a year since everything went down and I took my little trip. We dont talk so much anymore and I miss him.

Work is just work. Nothing more nothing less.

I think what really sucks too is that I haven't really been swimming much this summer. My parents haven't opened the pool. Crazy yeah I know. But my mom is always bitching about money money money.

I havent taken much time for myself and even if I did...... well....... I don't think it would matter.

I like to travel or at least go do something liek a day trip at least once in the summer. No money kinda squashes that idea.

My relationship with Miker seems to be deteriorating. Nothing but stress, disagreeing, arguing, crying, getting pissed off, being disappointed.

We are just way two different and how we view things, how we feel about things, how we see things. Yes, he says opposits attract and to a certain point they do. But when you dont have common ground in how you want to be living your life then there tends to be a problem.

Plus now he's been lying to me. He tells me he is going to do one thing but then never ends up doing it -- knowing damn well he won't do it in the first place. So, of course that makes me upset. Then if I ask him about it he tells me another story which I never buy in the first place. (Always skeptical) Only to find out in the end that that was a lie too.

For now these are little things. But how can I trust what he says to me is the truth. I cant deal with that.

I know this isn't going to change and each time he does this to me it makes me more irritated and more hurt to where Im shutting down again.

Not sure how to go about this or what to do. I know I havent been happy lately. Something has got to change.

I think I should just concentrate on myself for a while. Not sure what that means or where that will lead me. But all I've been doing is always trying to make others happy and in the mean time I end up more and more miserable.

All this tension isnt good for me or my blood pressure, no wonder it's too damn high.

Im going to have to take more time out for me and do some soul searching. Start doing things to make me happy and get my life back in order.

I'll try to keep you all informed with how Im doing.

Until then..............