Ride Like The Wind

It was Sunday morning and I was on my way home from Mikes, a ride I take all the time. I know it like the back of my hand.

It was a beautiful day and I had ridden my bike over to his house Saturday night.

I love riding my motorcycle! It's just so freeing. Just me and the bike. My mind races. I don't have to be worried about being interrupted.

I take the back roads home. All the curves I take with ease, the wind is blowing and occasionally forces me slightly from side to side blowing me off my straight path.

As I approach Route 10 and now having to take a detour instead of going straight because after the flood the bridge up ahead is now out. I slowed to a stop. The warm bright sun beat down on my shoulders and made me feel all comfy and cozy. But the cooler breeze kept me from falling asleep.

I saw two small butterflies dancing in the road right in front of me and it made me smile. 1.) because I love nature and it was just so calming to watch them fluttering about playing and being free to do so and 2.) They made me think of Crystal. Crystal is my cousin and best friends daughter. She is 4 years old and just loves butterflies (actually she likes all insects) but thats another story.

So I make my left onto Route 10. I'm so at peace!

As I grip the handlebars and give it the gas - I'm in no hurry - Just enjoying the view. The green rolling hills of farm land. It was very beautiful.

A few bikers passed me as we do our little wave that most bikers do acknowledging we are all in the same club.

Heading down Stone Arabia Rd, there is a farm that has sheep and everytime I pass the sheep are always out. So this time as I passed the sheep farm I just happened to let out a "baaaaa" and laughed at myself because it's not like they or anyone else could here me. If you can't laugh at yourself what can you laugh at???

Little Frog Blog

Thursday was a hot humid day.

The day was going by fairly fast. Tammy and I went out for our afternoon break when she spotted a tiny frog in the grass.

She bent down and had a piece a paper trying to get the frog on it. Thinking she was trying to get the frog I also bent down and cupped my hands around the frog until I coerced it onto the palm of my hand.

It was just this itty bitty tiny thing. Once I had it I find out Tammy just wanted to move it way out of the way so no one stepped on it. So I headed for a tree over to the side out of harms way, when he jumped!!!

Oooohhhh Nooooo!
"Don't Jump!" Attempted suicide! LOL
So hear I am fumbling around trying to get it back in my hands. When Tammy mentions how she hates when they pee in your hand --- eeeewwwww -- Thanks a lot! :-)

OK now I have him in my hand - careful not to squish him but not too loosely that he will slip through my hands again.

I get over to the tree and bend down and open my hands to release him.
"Run little froggy, Run" You are now free.........

What does he do??? ....... But sits there on my hand - not moving!
I tilted my hand a bit thinking he would jump but - NOTHING!

It took another minute or two then he did finally jump off but we laughed because when I was trying to "Rescue" him he wanted nothing to do with it. Somewhere along the ride he must have enjoyed not having to jump to where he wanted to get because he didn't want to leave!

My good deed for the day was done.

OMG -- *I'm Gonna Faint*

My last blog I told you about the H.O.P.

Well......... It is now cleaned!!!!

I was in shock! It looks SOOOOOOO Good now. If I was to have taken before and after picts you wouldn't recognize the place.

Kudos to Miker!

You didnt an excellent job dear! Im So Proud of you for doing that!

For the first time I was actually comfortable enough that I was not thinking about how much I wanted to leave because I couldnt stand the smell or just that it make my skin crawl.

:-) Makes me smile now!

The H.O.P.

I'm setting here at Mikes and I'm getting more antsy by the minute.

I'm looking around and this place looks like a disaster! Katrina Looked better than this!

Beer cans all over the counter and desks, dishes piled high in the sink, crap all over the table and the cat litter box (Well we wont go there).

You can't walk anywhere without stepping or tripping over something and there is this stale nasty smell all over.

Now I know guys aren't always all that clean and can be a bit messy but this is filthy. I wouldn't even let my dog live here!!

When I first started seeing him I would pick a spot and clean it. Basically keeping the living room and kitchen cleaned up. And to my surprise he was doing a very good job (at that time) of keeping it fairly picked up. I was so proud of him and it made me happy. I felt comfortable enough to come over and hang out.

I don't know what happened but he just stopped -- let it all go again. I know he can do it I've seen him and it isn't like I didn't give him recognition for it. I praised him and told him I was proud of him. So I know he can do it.

And he wants me to move in with him.......hahaha......NOT.
Never.....There is not a chance on Gods green earth that I would move in with it being like this. And I'm NOT his MAID!

If he was to help keep it picked up I wouldn't mind so much going through and cleaning but when he doesn't give a rats ass and I'm the one to have to keep it up.... There isn't a chance in Hell I would do it.

Which is why I have stopped and this place has fallen yet again.

Sad thing really.

So as I'm sitting here and I'm really getting anxious to get back home where I do feel comfortable and can just relax.

So I'm going to logg off now and head on out.

Oh yeah, and for those of you who don't know or are wondering what the H.O.P. means it stands for The House of Pestilence a.k.a Miker's Place. (Something to be real proud of....NOT)

Compilation

Take a look around, this is what I see
Is there anybody else that feels like me?
You swear, you swear
You bleed, you bleed
What you get aint what you see
All this town in black looks white to me

Yesterdays a memory
Another page in history
You sell yourself on hopes and dreams
That leaves you feeling sideways.
Tripping over my own feet
Trying to walk to my own beat
Another car out on the street trying to find the Highway

How do you spend your minutes on the matters
All tomorrows come from yesterday's
When you're feeling broke and bruised and sometimes shattered
Blew out the candles on the cake, like everything's a big mistake

I'm smart enough to know what I don't know
A fool enough to stay when I should go
You work, you work
You cry, you cry
You watch your whole life pass you by
Sometimes you gotta close your eyes to see

It seems you always wait for life to happen
And your last buck can't buy a lucky break

There just ain't a way to see who and why or what will be
Till now is then
It's a mystery, it's a blessing and a curse
Or something worse

I have walked all alone on these streets I call home
Streets of hope, streets of fear
Through the sidewalk cracks, time disappears
As I chocked back to tears, there's a silent scream no one could hear

So far away from everything, you know it's true
Something inside that makes you do what you got to do

I tell myself I (feel no pain)
But I'm feeling the pain (walk away)
Can't walk away
I'm hanging on the ropes of hope
It's getting hard to cope you know

I ain't gonna cry, I don't want to scream
But I got so much left unsaid inside of me
Taken from
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream, I ain't gonna die thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give, I'm ready to try, willing to lay it on the line
I want to be loved

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday
I know it isn't black and white
And it's anything but grey
I know that no I'm not alright, but I feel ok cos
Anything can, everything can happen
That's the story of my life

Self Reflection

It's been a while since I just took time for myself and by now it was way over due!!!!

Im always doing things for other people, helping and supporting, spreading myself thin at times so finally I took some well deserved time for myself.

I needed to get things done and spend some time reviewing....thinking about things and doing some self reflection.

It was a Beautiful day for all this.

I was up early and started my day about 8am. I threw on my Swim suite top and my jean shorts and headed outside. I washed my car and my motorcycle. In between doing loads of laundry and hanging them out to dry. Since it was such a hot sunny day it took no time at all to dry so that I had another load ready.

Up until this point I hadn't been out in the sun too much. I have been careful to watch that. I tan rather easily and quickly. Doesn't take much for me.

By the time I get finished with all this it was about 2 in the afternoon. I had quiet the tan. I did keep note of it so I didnt get too much sun. I figured I had enough it was time to go in and pick up a bit and wash up.

In just a few hours I have a nice dark tan. Just starting to turn a bit red but not to where it hurts. SO I have what most people spend months trying to get in just a few hours being busy outside.

I was also thinking about where I was heading and how I was feeling -- More so on how I was feeling. Which has not been so good lately.

Im not happy with myself. Which means it's time for me to start taking the time to spend on myself to make me feel good again. whatever that may take.... Working out, Pampering, Just getting that feeling that I am accomplishing something.

It was a well deserved break away from work also.

So now Im getting myself back on track. slowly but surely. Financially, emotinally, physically, mentally.

Happenings

I've found myself depressed lately.

I won't show it to anyone else. Always smiling.

It's been a year since everything went down and I took my little trip. We dont talk so much anymore and I miss him.

Work is just work. Nothing more nothing less.

I think what really sucks too is that I haven't really been swimming much this summer. My parents haven't opened the pool. Crazy yeah I know. But my mom is always bitching about money money money.

I havent taken much time for myself and even if I did...... well....... I don't think it would matter.

I like to travel or at least go do something liek a day trip at least once in the summer. No money kinda squashes that idea.

My relationship with Miker seems to be deteriorating. Nothing but stress, disagreeing, arguing, crying, getting pissed off, being disappointed.

We are just way two different and how we view things, how we feel about things, how we see things. Yes, he says opposits attract and to a certain point they do. But when you dont have common ground in how you want to be living your life then there tends to be a problem.

Plus now he's been lying to me. He tells me he is going to do one thing but then never ends up doing it -- knowing damn well he won't do it in the first place. So, of course that makes me upset. Then if I ask him about it he tells me another story which I never buy in the first place. (Always skeptical) Only to find out in the end that that was a lie too.

For now these are little things. But how can I trust what he says to me is the truth. I cant deal with that.

I know this isn't going to change and each time he does this to me it makes me more irritated and more hurt to where Im shutting down again.

Not sure how to go about this or what to do. I know I havent been happy lately. Something has got to change.

I think I should just concentrate on myself for a while. Not sure what that means or where that will lead me. But all I've been doing is always trying to make others happy and in the mean time I end up more and more miserable.

All this tension isnt good for me or my blood pressure, no wonder it's too damn high.

Im going to have to take more time out for me and do some soul searching. Start doing things to make me happy and get my life back in order.

I'll try to keep you all informed with how Im doing.

Until then..............

Road Delays Ahead

For anyone wh o is keeping up with and reading my blogs I've run into a slight obstacle.

My internet service has been shut off. so easy access is a bit more difficult.

I do get chances from time to time to get on line and access but it is having the time to write about what I want.

But please keep checking back because I will write when I can and once Im up and running again I will have alot to catch up on.

Take care and keep in touch!

Love Tracy

Katrina Hit NY

Trenchal Down Pours!

Flood Warnings!

This is what the weather man kept saying day after day.

I was starting to feel I might have to build a boat soon.





It was raining for days but this was different.
You expect some flooding and even as a little girl
I remember some flooded areas but NEVER like this.

It reminded me of a smaller scale Katrina and for our already desperately desolate area that is major.

Im talking communities under water. Not just a few inches but 5-6 feet and more!
entire business wiped out.



Pretty bad when you can jet ski or ride a raft down the middle of Main St.

No power for 2-3 days and some people still do not have power. The phone lines were down even cell phones didnt work half the time. Roads all over were blocked off so getting anywhere was completely impossible.

River banks over flowing, Beardsley damn broke, Parks and streets completely flooded.