Spring is Here

Well It's Hump Day! Yet Again.

Temperature is 58 degrees. The Sun is shining, a light breeze is in the air.

As the Sun kisses my skin it warms me and I can't help but smile.

Looking forward to the weekend! Not only becuase I don't have to work but because I will be heading down to the Broome-Tioga Motorcross track with my friend, Jon.

He races and had mentioned needing to find someone to go with him in case he gets seriously injured and gets rushed off in an ambulance. (Okay now that is a freaky thought) But it sounds like fun and I'm always up to do new things.

I love bikes, so I offered my assistance.

I have been a few times last year to a local track (Twister Valley) in Ft Plain, and enjoyed it. But I was a spectator. Now I will be sorta behind the scenes.

We will be heading out Saturday afternoon, camping out at the track. Sunday morning is practice and then the races start.

I will be taking picts so I will be posting as soon as I get the picts back.

Thats about the only new and exciting thing happening in my life at the time being.

Love Affair, Puppy Love, Passion

Just when I'm feeling crushed and empty inside - he shows up.

No names will be mentioned to protect everyone involved.

But he is sweet and funny and always seems to make me laugh.

I've been talking more and more to him the past few days and even have been spending a little more time than planned with him.

I have to watch that...that is how I get myself into trouble.

I dont want to end up getting hurt or hurting anyone else.

He says the sweetest thing to me. He tells me how beautiful I am and how hot I am.

I almost believe him.

Where is this going? Where could it end up? That remains to be seen.
Im not in a hurry to rush into anything, nor do I want to.

I just want to be happy again.

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it hauntsMy once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Brand New Day

I'm human. I make mistakes. Some worst than others. I'm not perfect and I am no better than anyone else. But I also don't give up so easily either.

When I love and care about someone I do so with all my heart. I give it my all.
That may be a downfall for me becuase it's hard for me to let go.

But every day things get a little better and seem a little brighter.

I have friends who love and care for me. They always seem to help me through my tough times and keep me afloat till I can stand on my own again.

I don't want to seem bad or look like I didn't care or don't care for that matter - Because I Do still care. But at the same time I don't want to sit and wallow in my heartache and pain.

Seems useless and just makes everything so much worst.

I'm sure he isn't giving me a second thought.

I have to pick myself up and go on with life one day at a time. Have to get back out there and live life. I believe in taking risks no matter what the results.

That old Cliche does hold true "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Seems that there are alot of guys out there too who is willing to take that chance. So if one doesn't someone else will.

I will find that someone willing to stick it out and make things work no matter what problems may arise.

It's a brand new day ahead!

Keep Away

Sickness spilling through your eyes
Craving everything that you thought was alive
Stab me in my heart again
Drag me through your wasted life, are you forever dead?

Twistin' everything around that you say
Smack me in my mouth 200 times every other day
Rag me, I don't hear you anymore, not yet
Find out what it means to me, I don't know who you are

Draggin' on so lonely, aren't you tired baby?
Breathing life into your lungs are you immune to me?

Do like I told you
Stay away from me
Never misunderstand me
Keep away from me

Now What?

How does someone go from being all loving and caring, kissing and hugging you, telling you he loves you, not giving any sign of anything else then the next day telling you he doesn't want anything to do with you, don't want to see you or talk to you ever again???

I understand what I did wasn't right and I hurt him. Im very sorry for that. But I also found something out that he seemed to neglect to tell me.

I was told that he was feeling that he just wasn't "feeling it" with me and didn't know how to tell me. Not sure yet quiet when this was said. But even still......why didn't he just say something to me. Why tell me all these lies when he knew he didn't want to be with me. Why make me feel extremely bad.

I know things between us were getting distant but after that first split I was really starting to fall hard for him. But I just didn't seem to feel him feeling the same towards me. There was excuses of alot being on him mind. Is this when all this was said or was it more recent I dont know. I know it isn't an excuse for what I did but I had to figure out what my true feelings were. But when I did it was way to late.

I'm very hurt. But at the same time I'm also kinda pissed. I don't think he relaly wanted to be with me and we was just leading me on. I have done alot for him. The way he ended it was really uncalled for. It was nasty and immature. Maybe someday things will change.

I do miss him. but nothing I can do.

So now what is in store for me?

Deep Breath...... day by day..... I do good at times but then I seem to break down. Have to keep busy and keep my mind busy. That helps so much.

when I have too much time I think and it hurts.

I welcome any distraction!

Three Fold

What goes around comes around..........

I strongely believe in that and how it will come back to you three fold!

This week prooved it to me. But today is Friday. Things have calmed "so to speak" and I survived.

I definitely need a vacation to regroup and regain my strength. I must be stronger in spirit and mind than I thought.

I truly feel I have a sadistic side to me. I seem to -- deep down -- Thrive on stressed out situations and chaos. As much as I seem to hate it at the time, once it is all over with I really seemed to have enjoyed it.

But for now I'm looking forward to tranquility for a bit.

ALL ABOARD!!! Smooth sailing ahead
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Until the next Tidal Wave

Karma

This hasn't been a very good week for me in the first place but today bad karma is really hitting me!

First of all in my stupidity I highly pissed off and hurt my bf and I want to apologize for that. I feel like I'm 2 inches high and just horrible about the whole thing. But we worked things out.

Then this morning I'm heading into work and my tired blows!

I knew I was going to need a new tired. I was just hoping it would hold out for another 2 weeks so I could save up the money. I hate being cut short. (No Such Luck)

Of course it is cold out and even if I was able to get the lug nuts off I wouldn't have been able to get teh tire off...it was so corroded on and without a hammer there is no way in hell it would have come off. Luckily enough I was near a garage. Come to find out all the guy were at a car auction that they go to on Thursdays. (ok, so now my morning isn't getting any better!)

well just a few yards away is a body shop (Masi's) so I go check it out. and he is open and willing to help me put on my dummy tire. He even said he might have a good used tired for me.
I slowly drive my car into the garage and he checks around. No such luck. So he puts on the dummy tire. We get talking and he said he could check out the pricing on a tire for me.

---- Forget that idea!!! I don't know what brand of tire he gets but he said it would cost me about $120.

I told him I'd get back to him and ask how much I owed him....... $10!!!!
Just for putting on the dummy tire! The last time, when I was with Rich and my tire blew, the guy at the garage only charged me $3-$4.

So now I need to go find some place that has my tire in stock and is reasonable.
I call into work to let them know what is going on and that I will be there ASAP.

I checked a few places out. Not much luck. Either they had to order the tire or the price was more that I wanted to pay. I did eventually find a place that was kinda reasonable so I went for it then headed into work.

Now I'm late for work, about an hour and a half and I have a lot to do. I get to work and there is no place to park. So I'm searching and finally squeeze into a space.

about an hour into being at work I get a phone call from my dad. He asked if I was goign to be stopping in during lunch. When I asked why he told me that my cat died. Granted he was older and had lost alot of his weight.....It was still hard to deal with. Especially since I already had a lot going on.

I need to cleanse my Aura or something. I don't think I can take much more of bad things happening.

I still keep my chin up and try to keep smiling. There is always tomorrow.

Tax Payers Money

Ok -- so last Thursday I was heading home from work after depositing my check. I've only lived in the same town for how many years?????.......... Over 10!!!!

Had my car since 1999 with the window tinted and now they stop me for the tint on my windows!!!!!

Never mind that the tint is technically illegal. Yes, I said illegal!

There is suppose to be 75% light transmitted through the window for it to be legal...... Mine was only 19%

But isn't there something better for them to be doing then to waste their time pulling me over for nothing else but my tint?? I mean isn't there a drug dealer, a criminal, a drunk driver or something to take care of????

The cop was nice but I do believe he is a newbie. That or he needed to fill his quota for the month since it is toward the end of the month.

He gave me a ticket. And see that is another thing...... I have been stopped before by Troopers and sheriff's (Ok, lets not get any bad ideas here) I'm not that bad. But even they have let me go on the tint.

Anyways, He gives me a ticket along with a piece of paper that if I get my windows fixed and take it to a garage or to the police to have filled out they will dop the ticket.

I'm tired of this harrassement (besides I've been wanting to change my tint anyways) So I ask the officer if having mirrored tint on the windows is legal and he was like, I'm not sure. All he knows is that it has to be 75% light transmission. He said he never ran into any car like that......Funny because I have seen a few of them around.

So I'm trying not to have attitude - but I ask him, "well then who do I ask to find out. Because I don't want to get this new tint and be stopped yet again. "

He said I could ask the judge.

HELLO -- and what exactly am I spending my tax dollars on??? Should an officer of the law be aware of what the laws are and what is legal and illegal??

Just eerks me to no end. Just another one of my many bitches and gripes of how this world works.