Heartbroken

I know most of you will think this is stupid and that it is only a dog.

But to me, I love animals and I have raised him since he was a pup.

Nanook is technically Paul's dog and when we split my parents didn't want me to keep him at my place. they own the apartment building I live at and they said he had to go. Which at first broke my heart.

Paul found a friends who said his parents would let Nanook stay there. But he was so use to being with my dog (Maxx) and having the love and attention that I gave him. So when he was left by himself and left outside he seemed to bark a little more than usual.

Some of their neighbors complained and the dog warden finally showed up there and said they have til Feb. 20th to get rid of him.

Now we have been trying to find him a good home but it seems to be hard to find anyone who wants another dog.

I don't want to lose him. I would rather he be home with me but I have no choice. I have visited him a few times already and each time I've cried and hated to leave him. I would take him for a walk, bring him treats and water.

Well Paul got a hold of and Akita Rescue that takes Akita breeds only and places them in a good home. Which is good but still heart breaking for me because I will never get to see him again.

I'm torn and I have no idea what else I can do. It feels like I'm losing a part of me and I hate that.

Happy Valentines Day!

The day for lover's has arrived.

But don't just let it be on this day that you celebrate having that special someone.

Life is short and many unexpect things can happen.

Make every day Valentines Day!

Tell that special someone you love them. Don't let distance or problems get in the way of losing what you have or what could develop. Put an effort fourth to keep the relationship exciting and new.

Tell them you love them - it's always nice to hear.

Talk problems through and don't let pride get in your way.

It's the little things that should matter and the little things that count.

Leave a note saying you miss them.

The touch of a hand, a soft gentle kiss can say more than word may ever be able to say.

Let Every Day Be Valentine's Day!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

They say that breaking up is hard to do........

and it's true, especially when you really care about someone.

I could kind of see it coming. But still I was surprised. Things haven't been the same for Rich and I in a while. I felt that he wasn't always there with me. I know he has a lot on his mind, but who does't?

I don't know maybe he just really didn't want to be with me anyways. It seemed real easy for him to walk away. He told me that if we had problems that we would work it out and talk thing over but I guess not true either. Guess you don't really knwo what you would do until you go through them.

He said he had to figure things out and work on things. I told him I would give him the time and space he needed. Just wished it didnt hurt this much.

Guess I loved him more than I thought.

Everything happens for a reason.

We are suppose to be friends. Thast how we left it. Going back to just being friends. Can you really do that? is it possible? You know how that "Friends" things works out. At first maybe things will be fine. But if he doesn't work things out and decided he doesnt want to be with me then eventually we won't even talk. Especially if we get "Others" in our lives. It will seem too Odd.

I am going to miss alot about him. He could make me laugh or smile, the crazy antics of he and his friends, the bond fires, the late nights, him holding me and kissing me. When he wasn't so preoccupied it was wonderful. And Im going to miss Terry. My little energizer Bunny.

Im sure she won't even think of me twice.

But who knows. Maybe things will work out. Maybe he will figure out what he needs to and we can get back to where we were before.

If so great if not then Life will go on.

New Outlook

I've been so down lately. Trying to fight it. Wasn't sure if it was the winter blues or some hormonal imbalance.

It just seems like when everything is going well and I'm as happy as can be it all comes crashing down. I try to keep my head up but more often then not, does it feel like I'm drowning.

I am the type of person that is always concerned about the people around me. Mostly my family and friends. I will do whatever it takes to make them happy and cheer them up. ANd in return not getting the same back. It's finally taking it's toll on me. I want to be there for others and I love doing things to make them happy and that I know they would like. But it isn't making me happy anymore. And if I no one if willing to take care of me from time to time then I have to do it myself.

I've come to the conclusion that I must put myself first in what I want nad what will make me happy. Seems like no one else is thinking of that for me.

And someday there will be someone there who is willing and wants to make me happy.

Until then I have a new outlook on life to enjoy and do what it takes for me and me alone to have a smile on my face and be happy with how I am living and what I am doing.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my Birthday (February 8th)!

Yep Just Turned 34. Seems Unreal. I Dont' feel 34. And I use to think 34 was old. Of course when you are 13-14 even 15 that seems so far away in the future anythign over 20 is old at that age.

But now that I'm here......It's not old at all. I know some people get all freakish about their birthdays.
To me it's just a number. It's how you feel and perceive yourself on the inside. I may be 34 but I have to stop and think of how old I actually am because I still think of myself as 24-25.

I had quiet a few people ask me today how old I was and when I told them they looked shocked. So of course I asked them how old they thought I was and they said I looked like I was 25-26.

Maybe that is why I look so much younger than I am. Of course I have worries and problems but I also act like Im a younger person enjoying what I do have and what I can do. I have days when I feel old and realize there are some things I can't do as well as when I was younger.

But All in All.. I'm a young 34 year old. Ready to laugh and play and somedays take on the world.

Still stubborn as Hell, and frisky as can be. That will never change. It's just finding that right person to keep up with me!

Coming Home

I would like to report that my mom is doing much better. They have finally found a medication that will help regulate her BP.

But now she has a kidney infection. They are giving her medicine for it.

I do belive that they will be letting her come home today. With all medication for the BP and kideny infection. She is to go back every couple of weeks for tests to make sure things are still goign well the the infection is going away.

The Birds!

Tuesday night I get home from working out after work, I let my dog, Maxx, out.

Once we head back into the house for the evening I noticed that things were astray in the house. Nothing was missing so I wasn't robbed. So my next though was that the cats and dog must of had a scuffle.

There were bottles knocked off my bathroom shelves and off the sink and a few things in the kitchen laying on the floor that fell from the cupboards. Even a small house plant was laying on the kitchen floor.

I was aggravated. After a long day at work and just having a good but hard workout I was exhausted and so didn't want to have to clean up this mess.

As I start to pick things up I noticed what looked like bird dropping. At first I thought my cats has went bonkers and started to defecate elsewhere in the house instead of their litter box. They have never done that before and know better.

As I looked closer I did realize more that it was bird droppings..... But How??? I don't have birds. I walked out to the kitchen to feed my cats and I heard something rustling from above. When I turned around there was this big ass bird sitting on top of my cupboard. I was a little shocked and the thought of how the hell did he get in here crossed my mind. Then I was like how the hell do I get him out???

I went to the bathroom and open the back door and try to shoo him out the back door without my cats or dog running out the door. Maxx was good he didn't even bother to look outside, since I already took him out. But the littlest cat, Salem headed straight for the door. So I yelled at her to stop and she scurried off into the other room.

Now my attention was back on this bird........ I grabbed a broom and tried to maneuver it into the bathroom but it just wasn't working. It ended up flying into he living/dining room. Which I thought would be much easier anyways. Here the damn thing is flying around landing on things.

I was skiddish at getting too close to it.......I had this envision of that Alfred Hitchcock movie The Birds!!!! All I could see was this bird Pecking at me.

Now the cats are trying to get in on this, which by the way is not helping matters. I open up the front door. Keeping an eye on the cats and the dog and the bird and trying not to brake anything in the processing of persuading this mysterious bird out of my house. Finally the bird found its way out the door and I quickly closed the door.

Still baffled at how it even got in - in the first place.

Life is never dull for me. Always seems to be something.

Think it was a Witch in disguise spying on me. LOL Ok, now I'm being paranoid!